Corona Can’t Keep Me Down

I think I fed everyone today.

Nobody died.

There was no mutiny.

There was, however, a 3.5 hour stretch of time where youngest monkey slept in the closet. Between 12-4pm.

She insisted it was her secret hiding place, and she took the computer, a tablet, and an old cell phone with her, with the understanding that she was doing her math school work.

Which she did.

For a few minutes before falling asleep!

This whole ordeal has us all thrown off, and despite maintaining a regular bedtime for the kids, they are up weird hours, and napping weird hours, and I’m pretty sure they were more predictable as babies…

They colored Easter eggs today, which was a fantastic distraction from the mumbled screaming (yes, I realize this is an oxymoron, but every parent knows what I mean) and refocused the children on something positive.

Youngest and I went for a 2.3 mile walk where we tried to find her secret pathway at the park. Sweet girl thinks she discovered the paths that have existed since before I can remember, but I love that she thinks it’s special to her.

The evening was absolutely beautiful.

We saw several gatherings of birds, circling for the kill…

And we saw the success of a squirrel hunt.

There’s something absolutely enchanting about spring evenings here. The air is crisp, the sky is clear, and with everyone self isolating, there were no sounds of cars passing by, which was peaceful on a new level.

While we walked, oldest child stood at the back of the yard shouting over the hedges at her friend who lives behind us. It was her first real social interaction in weeks, and with the shrubs there was guaranteed social distancing. This is what we call “winning.”

I think the days are running together in new ways, too, and I can’t always tell if it’s the same day it was an hour ago. But I guess that’s okay.

Smallest and I had an interesting conversation about whether or not we are real, or if we are all just a figment of someone’s imagination (her thoughts, not mine)… Yeah, she’s only 8.

My brain is fried and there is no possibility of linear thought tonight, and that’s okay. Sometimes messy thinking is the most honest. If we call it “stream of consciousness,” then we are being avant garde and it’s clever.

I prefer to be a bit clever. Though as I sat at my desk, attempting to work from home by watching outdated webinars on how to make Facebook work for your library, I wondered how much work it would be to just create new versions of these webinars…

Seriously, data from 2012 about Facebook is almost as obsolete as data from last week…

But, it got me thinking more about how to reach out to people during this isolation.

I also had a fantastic chat with a friend today which was desperately needed. Just because we are distancing, doesn’t mean we need to forego all socializing. Just do it safely.

Dogs are still absolutely bonkers, but even moreso because the neighbors have a new puppy AND it’s warm enough that children are playing outside in all surrounding yards. This is far too much excitement for them, and I’m sure if the window had been open a bit more, Wally would have jumped right out. He’s done it before!

I know there isn’t an end in sight to this yet, but it’s becoming more normal. We have been sending and receiving real letters from people and it’s really amazing.

I do enjoy getting back to the basics!

Peace!

On this beautiful, warm spring day, something beautiful happened…

I became a grandma to a beautiful, yellow, fuzzy, stuffed duck!

Smallest child was gifted an old stroller, and she has been pushing it EVERYWHERE she goes! This stroller has been retrofitted with some baskets to carry toys and other goodies.

We worked really hard on school today, she stayed focused and became a total rock star! So as a reward, we decided to head out for a walk. The agreement was, though, that we would listen to our audiobooks.

I finished “The Alice Network,” and small child wanted to use Epic to read, but internet doesn’t follow outside the house, and the cell signal wasn’t super, so we switched to Libby and downloaded a book from the library.

She was so excited when I mentioned Harry Potter was an option!

So we walked today, soaked in the beautiful warmth of the sun, and listened to stories.

It was beautiful.

I then decided that isolation has been taking too big a toll on my mental health, so I put on my own set of PPE, armed myself with a container of sanitizer, and braved the grocery store.

I felt really stupid in this too-big cloth mask, though, so opted for one of the old surgical masks I’ve had for several years. The plus side to having a rare, life-threatening chronic illness is that old medical supplies are stashed all over the house!

I overspent my grocery budget today, but we shouldn’t need anything else but milk for the next two weeks. It’s a strange feeling, though, trying to get everything all at once. I usually do one or two big grocery trips a month, with lots of silly little trips in between … You know, for when I run out of essential items like Pringles…

The milk thing is real though. My family goes through milk like it’s oxygen.

We will probably run out of milk next week.

Pray for us

The day ended with oldest child catching up on some Doctor Who with us. We haven’t finished the current season because we were spoiled for many years with great acting and even better writing. This season, not so much.

But, we aren’t quitters, so we will plow on through and finish anyway.

Besides, what else are we going to do?

Not like we have anywhere to go…

End transmission.

Here it is, guys. The serious. The real.

We are 25 days into our isolation, and I’m really struggling. Oldest kid is doing okay with her school work this week, but she’s always loved learning, and wants to do well.

The only problem we are running into is that she also wants to submit to a creative writing contest, and she won’t take any suggestions from me. Her story makes no sense without all the details that are still inside her head. Nevermind that I’m a writer and a certified ELA teacher. No way could I know what I’m talking about.

She’s really cute, though, I ask her questions about the story and she has the answer, it just isn’t on paper.

If she could get it organized and fleshed out, she’d have a really fun story! But she’s too much like her mom in some ways… I hate drafting, editing, and revising. But I also know it’s necessary if you want a cohesive and entertaining story.

Small child, on the other hand, is having a really hard time with school. She’s been given a series of tasks to complete, which should amount to 30 minutes of math and 30 minutes of reading, but it all takes her longer than that, so by the time she’s done with one subject, she can’t handle the other.

She has no confidence, so even though she’s perfectly capable of doing the work, she gets stuck in her own head, and really struggles. We have had two days in a row of epic breakdowns.

I’m trying so hard to hold it together, but I’m overwhelmed, exhausted, and really worried about what comes next. Will we have jobs? When will they paychecks stop coming? Will the grocery store actually have what we need? How do we manage our mental health through this?

That last one is the hardest right now. I battle depression, anxiety, and PTSD already anyway. And now, I feel imprisoned. I know it’s for my safety and the safety of my family and community. It makes perfect sense to me. But I didn’t expect it would last so long.

I really thought that more people would understand the seriousness, and that we could flatten this curve quickly.

They thought two weeks would do it.

But it wasn’t nation wide.

It’s not even state wide.

Or city wide.

There are still too many people believing this is all a giant conspiracy, but at the end of the day, their negligence is messing with my mental stability.

Am I likely to catch COVID-19 at this point? No.

But I have no escape from this isolation. I’m needed 24/7 by three other people and two dogs. Last night, the kids were up fighting with each other at 3am, and I don’t remember the last time I was able to get to sleep before midnight.

We need meals. We need entertainment. We need baths. But as independent as an 8 and 10 year old can be, they cannot do all of this themselves. So the adults get to manage it.

I struggled today trying to sort out the logic in the 2nd grade assignment for the week. The links weren’t linear, there was no support to explain what resources were needed and how to get to them (ie click on every single image and it will take you to another page…) And my teaching degree did me absolutely no good today.

I felt stupid.

And I can only imagine what parents feel like who have no education background, or who are unfamiliar with Google apps.

I TEACH Google apps, for crying out loud, and it wasn’t the apps that had me confused, but the plethora of unnecessary hyperlinks without any clear explanation of what we were supposed to be doing.

Keep in mind here, I’m in fight or flight mode. If I’m not yelling or crying about something, I’m avoiding it entirely.

How am I supposed to help my children through this when I’m in a panic myself? My anxiety is so overwhelming that I can barely do what I need to some days. I feed the kids. I keep them alive. And if I’m lucky, I shower.

This is a global pandemic we are experiencing. A global crisis. Yet, many parts of our lives are expected to continue as usual. Rent is due. Bills need paid. Food needs procured. But I’m not supposed to leave the house.

I’ve done so a few times because if this depression takes over, I don’t know that COVID-19 is going to be as big of a concern …

I’m not a risk to myself, or anyone else, just not going to come out of this unscathed no matter how we look at it.

So, sometimes it’s a cost/benefit analysis.

How likely am I to contract this virus in a 10 minute stop at the grocery store for the food we’ve run out of, versus how likely is it that I’ll experience a full mental breakdown if I don’t get out of the house for a bit.

While we are all in survival mode, what are we doing to preserve our mental health? That’s an equally important conversation that not enough people are having.

For today, I’m not sure what it will be. Maybe a walk. Maybe a drive by myself. Maybe a handful of chocolate.

All I know is, we are guaranteed 23 more days of this, at least, which means if we are lucky, we are half way through.

And if we aren’t? Well. Then, I don’t know…

You won’t believe what these humans have put me through these past 24 hours!

First, they made me come inside and stop barking. They got really mad when they saw the mud all over my fur.

Dad made me take a bath.

I hate baths.

I laughed though, because I left a lot of mud in the bathtub, and my fur held on to some of it too! I wish you could have heard Mom when she saw the bathroom!

I think I’m softer today, at least Mom says I am. That’s the only good thing.

They wouldn’t let me on the furniture, which is the second worst part of bath time. They say I make the couch stink if I sit on it when I’m wet, but that’s not my fault. I didn’t ask for a bath.

Dad tried to cut my fur today with the electric hair clippers. Joke’s on him though, my fur is way too thick and out of control…

Well, I thought the joke was on him. He found Mom’s hair cutting scissors and hacked away at my fur.

It’s embarrassing.

He didn’t cut much, really, because I ran away. But he did get the back of me cut short. Mom wants to brush me, but I’m not feeling it tonight. This has been really traumatic.

I hope this isolation ends soon. They’ve started talking about sending me to a groomer, but if they go back to work, they won’t have time for that.

They say they love me. I’m sure they do. But tonight, in the midst of this global crisis, I’m feeling pretty singled out.

Though I will admit, having the knots cut off my belly does feel a whole lot better…

Well, I’ve spent the day telling everyone our isolation has been 22 days. It’s been 23. It almost feels like thinking it’s Saturday, but realizing it’s Sunday. We’ve earned a bonus day without any of the work!

We have become really big fans of the Overdrive/Libby app from the library. Oldest child listened to two audiobooks today and started another. I’m nearly finished with one and have more on hold. At this rate, by the time this isolation ends, we will have read the entire library!

Oldest child drank and dumped my buttermilk yesterday, so no chocolate cake, but a friend and neighbor was at the store and dropped some on the porch for us.

Needless to say, today there’s still no chocolate cake!

For some reason, it seems the whole world is sleepy today. Everyone I’ve talked to has run out of motivation or energy. Maybe tomorrow I’ll try!

I did do some cooking today though. I found a recipe with a silly name, hootenanny, and it was delicious!! It’s like French toast with no bread… Yum!!

The picture on the recipe looked wildly different from my final product, but that was okay. It was delicious!

I ate my entire day’s Weight Watchers points at lunch, so that was fun. Wasn’t totally worth it. We tend to idealize things like chili cheese dogs… Maybe if I’d chopped onions.

Small kid helped her dad clean the garage today. She was SO excited! Especially because she wanted to earn some money. She ended up with something in her eye and needed photographic evidence that whatever it was couldn’t be seen.

I love those freckles!

Big child asked for $13 to bring in wood, and $17 to clean dog poop in the back yard. A bit excessive if you ask me, but her dad hopped right on it. Icky chores are definitely worth more money.

Small child wanted to help clean the garage and asked excitedly if she could have $1 for helping. Poor kid has no idea how much she short changed herself…

I’d have paid $5 if she’d asked!

I’m not sure, though, where all this money is coming from. At the moment, we have a stack of I.O.U.s and I’m praying for some forgetful kids!

Tonight, I’m reminded why I’m grateful for my mother in law.

Well, okay, I’m grateful for her for many reasons, but this one is completely self serving. When we come to visit her, she makes a really yummy breakfast casserole in the crock pot. It’s one of the easiest recipes and tastes SO good.

I’ve cooked the sausage, mixed the eggs and veggies, and started the casserole for tomorrow. It’s back to school schedule (if you can really call it that) and we are so bad about breakfast!

Interesting thing I realized today… We spent the first week or so disappointed by the need to quarantine dad and a kid in the basement and Mom and a kid upstairs. Now, we are much more willing to spend that time apart voluntarily!

I have a TV upstairs, Ben has one in the basement, the kids have one in their play room, and of course we have devices coming out our ears…

We get a bit restless, but we don’t get bored!!

Katie the dog will probably want to write tomorrow. She was forced to bathe today, and I should have taken a photo of the bathtub when she was done… It was muddy. She still is, too…

Tomorrow, she gets a haircut and is forced to stay indoors as much as possible until the yard is less muddy. Ah, spring.

End transmission.

Well, I’ve rescued my blog from the pups. They really enjoyed sharing their perspectives on this isolation. They’re a bit melodramatic sometimes, but I think as long as Katie-the-dog has mud to run through, she’s pretty happy. And today was MUDDY!

I made turkey soup yesterday, and oh boy how I misjudged how much soup it makes. I have eight containers of soup. Eight. Down side: the freezer was already full. Bright side: nobody’s starving to death in our house!

I’m truly impressed by the fact that my children are still alive. Their voices get louder each day, and I’m fairly certain they are descended from banshees.

Again, we’ve done very little productive together, though staying alive is paramount.

Ben got the giant paperweight of a Pontiac started up again today, so that was an epic victory! This vehicle is a P.O.S., but it does run well enough for in town. That’s really all we need in a second vehicle.

I sat at my desk today for the first time in months and opened up the manuscript I’ve been working on for the past four years.

I’d previously published a version via Amazon back in 2017, but after some soul searching and feedback from others, realized it wasn’t nearly ready yet.

I joined a writer’s group through the library last fall, and several members were willing to read my full manuscript. Their feedback has been so incredibly valuable, and today I started to really dig into their comments.

I’m hoping by the end of summer to have a more polished version and to publish again.

One thing that’s really been great about this isolation is that I’ve spent a lot more time creating things. Whether it’s cooking, painting, building a website for work, or writing my soon to be award winning novel, I’m finding my voice again in ways I hadn’t in a long time.

I know people are dying, others are risking their lives every day, and any people are finding themselves in fear for their futures. Lost wages, layoffs, and bills are still coming in for them. But I’m glad that there’s also a stillness to our daily lives.

I hope we all take the chance to reconnect with ourselves as individuals. I hope we find our way back to our families, and find what matters around us.

I hope we find the strength to stand up for what’s right, and to protect the people around us who need protection, and sit back to listen to the voices which need to be heard.

I hope, as this challenge continuous to affect our entire lives, we come out the other side better.

Mom wanted to write something serious today, but I don’t think that’s much fun. So, I’ve taken the blog from her, and plopped my fat, furry butt on the floor to write.

Wally got to write yesterday, and he’s kind of a moron, so I figured it was my turn anyway.

I mean, he’s a sweet kid, but he just doesn’t know when to stop. He jumps, he licks, and he seems to think if he pounds on the back door, someone will let him in.

I don’t know why he wants to go inside. It’s too warm in there, the kids are so loud, and it’s so much harder to communicate with the neighbors.

We have an incredibly intricate network of conversation built here, and I try to share as much information as I can before Mom tells me to shut up and makes me come inside.

Usually I do, but sometimes I just sit on the deck and stare at her. It’s a pretty epic showdown, but I always give in. I wouldn’t want her to decide not to feed me.

Speaking of food, I think she’s trying to starve me to death. She gives Wally two scoops of food, but I only get one. I don’t understand this. I’m not fat, I’m fluffy. Seriously. I just have a lot of fur.

Maybe she will feel bad when she finally gives me a bath and can see how scrawny I’m becoming. Thankfully, the kids sneak treats for us, and they often take food into various rooms in the house and hide it for us to find later. My favorites are sandwiches and cereal.

The kids really do look out for us, even though they’re exceptionally needy.

The worst thing about how long we’ve been stuck with the humans home all day is that Dad’s sleeping schedule has changed. I used to be able to sleep on their bed with him all day, but now he’s awake, and when he goes to bed, Mom goes too. Wally jumps up with them before I can.

Worse yet, last night both children climbed into the bed also. Mom and Dad gave up and each went to sleep on a couch. They weren’t very happy with the kids either.

I’m hoping the kids can go back to school soon. They don’t seem to like each other much sometimes. Other times, they have the most hideous laughter. The small one laughs so loudly I’m certain the whole world can hear her. It’s kind of fun to watch though, because the kids laugh, and Mom smiles a lot. I think she likes when they’re happy.

I prefer them happy, too.

Really, life here is pretty darn good. We have a lot of love, and I even just got a bit of pizza crust. Dad’s the best!

Mom is torturing us today. She’s had turkey in the roaster all day long and won’t let us have any.

Last week, they gave us some fat off their steaks, but now we are back to begging for the icky dried crunchy stuff.

I think they don’t love us nearly as much as we love them. (This is Wally, by the way.)

Mom lets me sleep on the bed, but she doesn’t like it when I sleep on her legs, which I don’t understand. I just want to be close to her. And she’s home all the time now, so this is fantastic! I really really really really really love Mom. Especially when she lets me cuddle with her on the couch. I scoot right up close, lean back, and if she’s not paying attention, I get to lick her nose. Dad calls me a nose nibbler. I don’t nibble, though, just lick.

Katie really isn’t liking the humans being home as much as they are. The kids are loud and crazy. The littlest screeches a lot and cries, and the biggest just yells and tells everyone what to do.

Katie loves Dad, but I think she just tolerates everyone else.

Mom says Katie is going to get her hair cut soon, but it hasn’t happened yet. Her fur is too thick for the trimmers Dad has. As long as they leave my fur alone, I don’t care.

The neighbors got a new dog, so I can’t wait to swap stories!

I hope this quarantine never ends. I really love having Mom and Dad home all the time. Even the kids are fun to snuggle.

I like this.

The dogs… They’ve been wanting to write again, but I’m a tad concerned by what they might have to say.

Perhaps tomorrow, they can have a chance to share their experiences again.

But for tonight, I want to say I’m so grateful for these little furballs. They’re cute and sweet, they sing to fire sirens, and they tolerate a whole bunch of crap from the tiny humans.

The tiny humans have somehow manipulated me into doing most of their chores…

Mostly because I’m trying to control my temper, and in a small prison, that’s getting harder by the day.

I’ve cleaned the living room a hundred times.

Not exaggerating.

I’ve washed six million loads of dishes.

I’ve created a hundred thousand different meals.

One I found, which nobody else likes, fits my WW point plan as ZERO points, and I’m pretty dang excited.

I ate most of it before documenting it’s beauty. Sorry.

I am glad that I’d already established a “Mom only” cabinet, too, and so far that’s being respected. So maybe we aren’t as uncivilized as I thought.

I’m afraid of what next week looks like when we start up online school again…

But until then, I’ll keep cleaning up behind my vermin. I’ll keep feeding them. I’ll keep loving them. But maybe from six feet apart.

I have no idea what day it is. I just know I forgot to write yesterday.

I blame The Magicians.

I thought about the need to write a post, but then my husband turned on The Magicians and I was so flabbergasted by their musical episode, I lost the ability to think.

Usually, that’s a good thing, but this time I was so disappointed!

Want some powerful music? Check this out: https://youtu.be/TUB-y1cI3IY

I wish that last night’s episode packed as much emotional punch.

I finished another audiobook, so that was nice. I’m finding that I’m the most bored by TV now, so maybe that’s a good thing. I’m doing more reading, some art, some work for the library from my desk at home.

The kids are in the kitchen now, making some art for their Great Grandad who we haven’t seen in almost a month. We usually try to see him once a week if we can, though we’ve been so bad about keeping track of what time and day it was even before the isolation started.

We will be better about this. He knows we love him, but we need to make more time in our lives for him too.

For now, kid art will have to do!

I recorded a video reciting a poem… That was brave. Find it here: https://youtu.be/FX24ROqV9Hs

We had leftovers tonight, and after a quick masked trip to the grocery store, I’m thinking we may have to sell a child. Prices are outrageous and almost nothing is on sale…

But somehow, in my town, people still can afford to order delivery for dinner every week, so I’m feeling like I really screwed up somewhere.

In honor of my epic flub, I’ll be eating leftovers again tomorrow! Yay.

Maybe I’ll even do something interesting tomorrow. Like keep adding to my library webpage…

Find that here: https://sites.google.com/view/theisolatedlibrarian/home

Keep on keeping on.

End transmission.